There is a tremendous sense of loss mixed with a certain amount of anger and disbelief when something as profoundly life changes as chronic pain affects us. It’s normal to clutch on to what we perceive as our independence, to try and still do the things that seem to define us as a valued human being. It’s particularly hard if we are used to the role of caring and helping others. This aspect of having to ask others for help I found particularly hard. My dying friend helped me realize that by allowing people to help her, people felt they were doing something for her and felt good about themselves.
With chronic pain, the plain fact is that if you push yourself too hard and over do things, the “pay for it” recovery time is long. It’s one step forward and two steps back. It isn’t easy. I hate asking to get my needs met but I’ve had to change my thinking on this and look at life as full of opportunities.
In a recent discussion in relation to children Rain, co-owner of the google group crps/rsd taking control wrote
"This may sound strange, but if your children assist you with
ANYTHING!, it makes them empowered, and helps them find strength in
themselves. This is a lesson that we all have to learn at some point,
we are what makes ourselves strong or weak. It is not everyday of our
lives that Mom or Dad will be holding our hands. It also gives them a
sense of learning compassion and giving. You have a chance to see them grow, learn, and become people.
Before I got sick, I was really busy with work, and now, I
see so much of what I missed over the years with almost everything I
come in contact with. My sights have changed into what should have
been important all my life.
I am grateful for getting ill as much as I hate it. I see my family,
I enjoy the savor of my meals and I smell the flowers. This is a
Redefining who I am. Not who I used to be.
Just a spin on the perspective!"